Wall In My Heart (?)

Don’t you just wish sometimes you could hang a sign like that around you neck...Or somehow let it be known "hey, stay outta my life, I dowan you intruding"
This is the extreme of how I can be I guess. Some unfortunate ones have seen me in this mode before. While some don’t even notice, and since I’m a great actress (at times I can be) they will never know.

I prefer it that way, when no one knows, then you can just sleep on it and the next day everything will be fine. I’m not used to people actually caring enough to try and find out whats wrong. Not that they don’t care, just that I don’t let on. And I’m not a confront-er… No matter how outspoken or bold people may think me to be, when it comes to confrontation, I rather just hide away in my “No Entry” area. Leave it alone, and it’ll disappear eventually.

It’s all to do with differences. And it’s scary. One person might not find anything wrong in a situation. Another will. And it can be over the smallest or biggest of things.

But sometimes I do want that private road where no one can get to me.
Is that bad? What’s wrong with going against the whole "no man is an island thing?" Maybe at times I feel like an island and thus must act accordingly.
It’s tiring being a people pleaser. Its tiring doing what you know is right. It’s tiring trying to make the best of things. But it’s better for everyone as a whole, so you just gotta do what you gotta do...

My private road.
Where no neighbors would come and kacau. You can amble about and just be your ugly self without having to maintain composure or properness or politeness. Not have to do anything you don’t want to. Not be scrutinized.
Is that being selfish?
My opinion is that if I’m there or not, with friends, everything still goes on. They’ll still go out. Still meet up. They'll still have fun anyway, so what’s the big deal if I’m not there?

Cause there's a wall
In your heart
That no one can get through
And it's cold and it's dark
And you don't have a clue

In some weird circumstances, someone came across this song, and when was reading out the lyrics, I was freaked out by how that is me. I have my walls. And I really dunno what to do when someone approaches the walls. It’s my invisible barrier. My protection. My "Private Road" where no one can enter. But of course my wall isn’t left bare to the world. I've painted it nicely, planted flowers in front of it, put a garden bench, creepers that cover the wall... Anything needed to distract, camouflage and make people not even know there's a wall. The only problem is, a wall works both ways. A wall that keeps things out, also means there could be the best part of me stuck on the other side.