It's nothing new; time marches on and waits for no man. Life takes over and things that once had importance takes a back seat to current priorities. In a strange way it's nice that spaces such as this are able to hold on to existence even though its author has seemingly abandoned it.
2016 was a year that many would like to forget. Bad things happened, unexpected things happened. Good things happened too, but as usual the bad overshadows the good. From a personal view, it was the year my Ah-ma left this world. Getting the news of her passing left me in a sobbing mess, flying back for the funeral had me going through a range of emotions. Ironically, or sadly, during the funeral itself, I did not shed a tear. There was such a disconnect between the unintelligible chants of the monks, the paid-mourner, wailing for a woman she never knew and me - it was all empty, meaningless.
The close of the year took an unexpected life - a family friend I had known all my life, grew up with and was more like an uncle to me, passed away in seemingly the most pointless of ways. Falling off a ladder, falling to his death. Hanny's death had more impact on me than Ah-ma's - there's some expectation and understanding when an elderly, frail person goes yet it's sobering and alarming when someone whose time "has not yet come", comes. It is the cruel reminder that nothing in life is ever certain, no matter how much planning goes into it.
And still, time marches on - five months since Ah-ma, two months since Hanny. Time marches on.
2017 is meant to be the year I start my second chance at having a fulfilling productive life. I find myself wondering if the unpredictability of the year past will spill into the inevitability of the year present. It is times like this that I am thankful that I am able to take comfort in the words of the hymn:
Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand,
But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand.
