Thursday, May 26, 2005

Walk on.....



Oh my goodness.
Most important match of there year, and where was I...?

Fast asleep in bed.

I could KILL myself for not getting up. BUT I had a headache the whole day at work, and even when going to bed. A horrible throbbing right behind my eyeballs, so sleep was a welcome escape from the pain.

After bible study, at Williams, KP n me were surrounded by non-Liverpool fans, so of COURSE they all started with their "..no way Liv gonna win... sure lose...no need to watch know already...blah blah..." And I just kept saying yes they will win, yes they will. Just wait and see. That's what any true supporter would do.

So when I woke, hours later to sounds from my hp, *beep-beep* of sms's and apparently a few calls, I was blur. And I tot the match was over. And I thought we had lost... Why? Cause the first few sms I read was;
2.51am Su: Things not looking good for you. (Chelsea)
3.00am Daniel: What you think about it now? Still got chance? hehe (Man U)
3.31am Daniel: Good game...can go sleep de..hehe... (Man U)
3.38am Muharram: Wha ha ha..Told you Liverpool suck to the max...See they are rotting now.... (Man U)
3.58am Kok Choong: So cham...Tak pe lah, next year still got champ's league.Oh right..Didnt qualify... (i cant rmb which team...)

See what lovely friends I’ve got...Tsk tsk tsk...So I really thought it was over and done with, no point getting up, go back to sleep. When I heard my mom frantically banging on my room door, asking me to get up n watch, and I actually shouted back "Whats the point we've lost already...the match is over!!!" And she shouted back "No its NOT! Get UP!" Seriously, getting up at 4am and brain all muddled, thinking two different things, its horrible.

Thats when I read the REST of the sms's
4.02am Jon: OH MY GOD.
4.06am Daniel: I salute Liverpool...no regrets staying up to support them..
4.07am Kevin: Hats off to your team girl!!!
4.08am Kok Choong: Oi Wake up! Should watch! its a fantastic comeback!

How quickly ppl change their tune. Idiotic guys... At least when I'M kutuking or teasing, I wait till the END of the match before sending taunting sms's...kekeke
Have you all NEVER heard of the term " Its not over till its over"
Football fans my backside...ha ha

So I sprang out of bed (still with a headache...so sucky!) And raced downstairs to join my mum n dad. Goodness, finally saw the score, 3-3 n my mum gave me a brief re-telling of what happened. I took a migrane pill to try n shake off the headache, and sat down to watch the rest..All the while sms's still coming in

4.20am Muharram: I have nothing to say.....The stupid refree got brain problem.....
4.29am Jon: Hang in there,by tmr u'll realize it was worth it. IF they win of course. Cisse score.fairytale complete.
4.39 Muharram: Damn........gone another 200 bucks..... (sadly not to me)

And so full time came,rest for extra time. I was on the edge of my seat, munching on crisps...Extra time came, and went.Which meant penalties. Even MORE nerve wracking.

5.20 Daniel: Haha, will Liverpool suffer the same fate as Man U or got luck like Arsenal...

At that point, when the penalties started, I went mad. If any of you could've seen me at that moment, you would really say "Shelby's lost it..." Its so funny, my family were all so diff. My dad, cool as a cucuumber. My mom, face hidden behind a pillow "I cant watch...I cant watch.." And me. I was bouncing up and down in front of the t.v., talking all sorts of nonsense, till my dad told me to "shush! so noisy!" Hahaha, but different people handle and express themselves differently...! What to do.
Well, when Shevchenko (who, by the way, the William guys were all PRAISING to high heavens)penalty got saved, there was the one second pause.

One second where there's no sound.
One second when you're not sure if what you saw, WAS what you saw.
One second of just being utterly and completely stunned.

And then the floodgates burst. I SCREAMED my head off...The stadium roared... Total, uncontrolable joy!!! Leaping up and down in the air...Prancing about...Looking like a fool, but who CARES?!? Ah...what a great moment.

And my fav. sms from fellow supporter...
5.35am Mun Onn: We are the CHAMPIONS!

After semi-calming down, I called ALL the monkeys that had sms'ed me, the ones that proclaimed Liv. the loser by half time... Oh what added joy it was to hear them admit what a mistake they had made and eat their own words. SO fulfilling...hahaha. But I have to say it.. I TOLD YOU SO

By then, I was WIDE awake, adrenaline pumping, migrane pill took effect so headache fading... There was no way for me going back to sleep. How could I? Went online, grinning from eat to ear. Spent the rest of the night/morning looking at photo's n reading all sorts of stuff bout the match. Wanted to go out and celebrate,but no one was available. And the person that was, didnt know that I was , so couldnt share the feeling with fellow Liverpool supporter.

This is the worst part. I had work at 10am. Put on jersey and headed off.Thankfully Jeremy is a Reds fan,he too of course wore jersey and brought his scarf to work...And when we saw each other we just beamed and was like "oh my God!!!" more screaming, more hopping about. Spent the first HOUR of work just talking about it, gushing would be a better word.

Nothing could get me down toady...! Or so I thought.
Managed to get through work without dozing off , or falling flat on nose. My bosses were so amused with me n Jer. And of course told us we were mad.
Think the day is over? Nope. Had YAF dinner after work, which I was SO happy to go for because 3 fella's were there that I couldnt wait to kenakan kau-kau, for they were the ones that TOTALLY didnt have any hope for Liverpool. Wont get into the dinner, cause it was a downer, but seeing thier faces and listening to their bumbling words of apology was GREAT...! But Mun Onn didnt wear Liv. jersey, wasted, wore a "red" shirt and tie, which was actually maroon la.

Ended the day totally spent.Energy drained.
Body just wanting to crash.
But oh what a day.
What a game.

So many people insult Liverpool. Make fun. Look down.
To me its like, whatever.
They always do that.

And just when you think they're at their all time low, in no position to salvage themselves, they rise up and play like never before. Winning so gloriously, that everything from the past -past mistakes, past losses- all just fade away. Honestly, this is the essence of Liverpool that I love. That they have thats something in them to win, and not JUST win, but in such a way, that can silence ANY doubter.

Walk on, walk on , with hope in your heart and you'll never walk alone,
YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE...!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Mother's Day

Spent the whole day with mom ystr.
Started out bad, then good, then bad , then good and ended baddish,but good also la...

First bad. Went to post office to pay bills. Realized she hadnt taken the right bills. I had to sort them out so many times before getting the right ones. Went into the post office to get a number 3times cause i kept missing my turn. Once paid went home again to locate missing bills. By then too late to go back and pay,so left them for another day.

Good - Went for a free buffet lunch n Sunway hotel...My mom had vouchers. Got there few minutes before it started, and the place was pretty empty. So when the guy came over n said, "Lunch has started" or whatever, off we went. I took lamb...it was SO good, then tried bits of everything else. At times like these i wonder how come on normal days , i can be so hungry n just wanna eat non stop, but buffets there's the limit to what my stomache can take...? Each plate of food i took, i also took a dessert...For those that dunno, buffets to me are for 2 things, the lamb and the desserts. And there was one hazelnut cream thing that was just so yummy.
Who needs guys when you have desserts that are so satisfying...hehehe..
Stuffed myself for about 2hours, then realized we were gonna be late to watch ...

...Star Wars 3! Yup, i took my mom to watch it. We had to speed walk from sunway hotel, to tgv for a 2pm show, and it was already 2pm...I was counting n the ads to take up time, but thankfully as my mom stepped into the cinema, it was just before the start where music n scrolling script comes in. I would've kicked myself if she missed it. She enjoyed it, only bad remark was final fight was too long it became boring. And i agree.

Next bad. Once over, she tells me she's gotta go to Sheraton Hotel, SUBANG (yucks), to discusss some stuff for work. By then it was pouring of rain, and Sunway parking lot only can exit to one direction,which was the opposite of where we wanted to go. I was getting grumpy cause of the jam and the fact i had to tag along with her for work stuff. Bah, in Sheraton spent 10mins waiting for the stupid fella to come. Horrible la, turns out he was right there the whole time, chatting with other hotel staff. Then when my mom was trying to explain stuff to him, he looked uninterested and was not helpful in anyway. I got so annoyed with him , and wanted to tell mom to just leave.Stupid subang ppl.. Oh,at that point out of boredom, i called someone and found out that i ter-woke him..sorry again ya. But i vow from now on i wont ever call ppl unless i know for sure they're not sleeping. Its sucks la, i always call and get the "...mmm?...hmmm...? yeah,wat you want..i was sleeping.." Lucky ppl that can take evening naps...After finally leaving the hotel to go home, got stuck in a jam cause of rain n rush hour. I dont think i need to say how i feel about Subang. Should be pretty clear.

After getting outta SJ, and back near home, my mood lifted n wasnt so crabby. Dropped of something at my bro's office, where me n mom wound down the car window n memalukan-ed him in front of gym members. Got home and....

No Astro. Had been disconnected. Called them up, i explained we got the bill today, and paid today blah blah ..the girl said ok , will reconnect in 24hours. My mom wast satisfied, so i called back, spoked to some other dungu n halfway through my mom took over, came out with all the "we're been customers for years..." "paying regularly..." "never happened before.." blah blah, and i was thinking whats the point, still the same wat, but when she put down the phone, mum said will be reconnected within the next hour.... Man, i gotta learn how she does it.

My "bad" ending was she ordered me to my room to go clear it up. My rooms a mess i dont even know where to start. So i huffed upstairs, and read a book instead. Terrible of me, i know. After shower came downstairs Astro was back, but mom asked if room was done,i said no. So she gave me that look, and i said yes i'm going back up, but tired so going to bed. So yst slept b4 12 n up today at 9...ahhhh,lovely long sleep.

Although there were fights, arguments, annoyance...and all that, had a great day with my mom. Wish i could do it more often.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Thoughts on mind at the moment...

1. Learn to sing a certain song nicely.
2. Why there's only 24hours in a day.How lovely it would be if there were more night hours.
3. How is it possible someone can break their own house toilet seat?
4. People find humour in the most nonsensical stuff, and the opposite in funny stuff.
5. I'm lazy to go out tmr, wanna sleep in on my off day. But its mummy daughter day tmr...
5. How numbering doesnt really matter.
9. The world is full of crazy ppl.
14. Nectar from flowers can make ppl high.

Just rmbed...Yesterday night,12+ upon request i went over to Samuel's house, cause Chris was there also, n Wyzek was on his way. Havent spoken to them in a long while, n since Yz was back from Langkawi, hoped to catch up. From the time i arrived, till 20mins later when Wyzek arrived till the time i decided to leave, the two were just playing dotA. I was irritated at first, cheezed of later , and border line pissed when i left. I mean, if u want ppl to come over, then spend the whole time in front of the com, pls dont bother asking in the first place...And everytime asked them to just stop, said cannot la, will get banned...
Whatever man.
Addiction is the only work i can use to describe it.

Tonight, went for pineapple fried rice, one of my fav. meals in Section17 , went up to higher ground ("whats the red lights for?"), used up saliva and donated blood, went back down regained h2o levels , lowered body temp. by lying on cold floor, shrouded self with pillows, had mini pillow fight with rabbit name-calling bully, laughed self silly over stupid comments ("older watermelons are liam liam/soggy so when hit sound hollow" ) attempted to get up, made it past first step, 10minutes later managed to stand up, gave bunny-bully another pillow bashing ,saved finger from the dark deep relms of evil, made it out the door, and home safely 8 minutes later.
Cryptic entry. I know. Meant to be.
Good night.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Wall In My Heart (?)


Don’t you just wish sometimes you could hang a sign like that around you neck...Or somehow let it be known "hey, stay outta my life, I dowan you intruding"
This is the extreme of how I can be I guess. Some unfortunate ones have seen me in this mode before. While some don’t even notice, and since I’m a great actress (at times I can be) they will never know.

I prefer it that way, when no one knows, then you can just sleep on it and the next day everything will be fine. I’m not used to people actually caring enough to try and find out whats wrong. Not that they don’t care, just that I don’t let on. And I’m not a confront-er… No matter how outspoken or bold people may think me to be, when it comes to confrontation, I rather just hide away in my “No Entry” area. Leave it alone, and it’ll disappear eventually.

It’s all to do with differences. And it’s scary. One person might not find anything wrong in a situation. Another will. And it can be over the smallest or biggest of things.

But sometimes I do want that private road where no one can get to me.
Is that bad? What’s wrong with going against the whole "no man is an island thing?" Maybe at times I feel like an island and thus must act accordingly.
It’s tiring being a people pleaser. Its tiring doing what you know is right. It’s tiring trying to make the best of things. But it’s better for everyone as a whole, so you just gotta do what you gotta do...

My private road.
Where no neighbors would come and kacau. You can amble about and just be your ugly self without having to maintain composure or properness or politeness. Not have to do anything you don’t want to. Not be scrutinized.
Is that being selfish?
My opinion is that if I’m there or not, with friends, everything still goes on. They’ll still go out. Still meet up. They'll still have fun anyway, so what’s the big deal if I’m not there?
Cause there's a wall
In your heart
That no one can get through
And it's cold and it's dark
And you don't have a clue
In some weird circumstances, someone came across this song, and when was reading out the lyrics, I was freaked out by how that is me. I have my walls. And I really dunno what to do when someone approaches the walls. It’s my invisible barrier. My protection. My "Private Road" where no one can enter. But of course my wall isn’t left bare to the world. I've painted it nicely, planted flowers in front of it, put a garden bench, creepers that cover the wall... Anything needed to distract, camouflage and make people not even know there's a wall. The only problem is, a wall works both ways. A wall that keeps things out, also means there could be the best part of me stuck on the other side.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Sunday Mornings, Sunday Nights


Spent whole of Sunday out of the house.
This Sunday I brought my co-worker Jason to Life Chapel, cause his church no service that morning. He was scared to go...Why? Scared people would stare at him, make comments, look disapprovingly...I thought that was so so sad. Why should any person, or Christian for that matter, not feel welcome in God's house. Or even THINK that they won’t feel welcome. It’s just so wrong. Anyway, he did come, and later he got a dose of TLC's warm friendly members. Although his first time meeting some, I think he enjoyed himself in his own way. Joined us the whole day till 4.

So anyways, after church went for breakfast, and without realizing, sat talking till almost 1pm! It’s terrible, we just would talk and talk and when we die down, someone'll come out with something else and start a whole new round of topics. Jason actually commented in amazement that "You all just talk and talk and talk...! Cannot stop for even one minute!" But when asked, he said he liked my bunch of friends, so.... =)

At first planned to go for YAF, but obviously that didn’t happen...My bad. But for me YAF is the wrong time. My Sunday's have always been my free days, a day when I have no plans. I just feel the yaf timing sucks. It starts too early to go for breakfast and ends late. Late. Late. I'd like to say always, but fine, 99% of the time it drags on and ends ... LATE Dowanna get into my YAF thoughts at the moment.

We then decide to go to the flea market in AmCorp Mall, just to jalan jalan. Discovered a shop that had flowy, tie up pants. It was HILARIOUS! Firstly, we had no IDEA how to wear them, so the shop lady showed us. Then we all wore it on TOP of the pants we were already wearing...yes, idiots we are. After almost 1/2 an hour there, with the guys rolling their eyes, bored to death and being the bag holders, we all left the shop empty handed. Luckily, shop keeper lady was really nice woman.
When Jee Lee sent me home, we sat for 2hours in her car talking. It was great. I'm so happy things haven’t changed.

Another 2hours later, went for dinner with Ah San n Jee Lee...And then to the Kepong pasar malam. I realize that most night markets have exactly the same things...same food, same stalls, even same ppl probably...
Back at home, ended my day by playing online pool and pictionary. Drawing using mouse is SO difficult, and I laughed myself silly seeing the drawings that we did.Only in the wee hours of the morning can you draw all sorts of nonsense.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

An Un-Friday like Friday

TGIF? Not today
Started off not so pleasant cause my neighbor had passed away on Wednesday, at the age of 90, and the funeral service was this morning. Of course I thought, how I should've gotten to know him better, smiled more when I saw him...of course there was the language barrier that made it really hard.

Some time after the service, on my way to work, I started thinking bout what if I died, but know one knows about it...I mean, none of my family go to church, so they don’t know the church group, nor my Form6 friends, nor my newer friends...they might know one or two childhood friends, so...How's ppl gonna know that I’ve gone? Especially friends that are overseas studying. What if I died and no one really knew and didn’t realize till 2-3 weeks later cause I didn’t go for morning worship or didn’t go some gathering...So sad. It was on my mind pretty much for the rest of the day. So that kinda sucked.

But managed to get it out of mind before my usual Friday nite mamak session, dowanna be a party pooper. Tonight was different from the usual. Went to Ming Tien (dunno how its spelt properly)at Taman Mega, instead of the usual Williams. Which is fine by me cause to be stuck in routine can suck sometimes. But things still didn’t go so well as friends weren't in the best of moods to hang with. Oh well, I was in a good mood by then, and didn’t wanna let anything get me down. So I was content with my own thoughts.

Decided to do something crazy (well, not that crazy la, i've dont worse) and go to Gasing Hill...that was when things started picking up, as we took almost 45minutes searching for the place...!!! After calling 3 ppl, getting pretty much the exact same directions and going round in circles, we FINALLY got to the spot where there's the trek into the forest and it was pitch black. I knew it would be, but what the heck la, wanted to syok sendiri, but ended up all to spooked to even get outta the car. Then wanted to just lepak at the park nearby, but when we got out a police car drove by, and thought it not wise in case they thought we were there for inappropriate activities..kekeke...Nonsense Msian laws…And we were thinking if we were charged,we’d ask Mun Onn for help..

Ended up back at Skt. 17 park where we sat on the badminton courts, feeding the mozzies and talking. Went back relatively early compared to other nights, maybe cause was out till late on Thursday nite as well... but I guess the vibe just wasn’t so right. Dunno.

Things cant be forced. That’s just the way it is sometimes.

Monday, May 09, 2005

The View From My Bed

When i was up at RBS they made us journal,daily. It was a pain at first, but it got better. And i'm glad time was allotted specifically for it. Well, i was looking through my journal and came across an entry, i wrote when i was in my moment of desperation, frustration and at my wits end.Warning, photo below not for conservative ppl to see.

The View From My Bed - Shelby Ng 2/1/05
I used to wake to a glorious sight
Rolling green hills and flowers fo fresh
But of late that view has had to fight
With cloth that covers mountains of flesh

All shapes and sizes, colours and hues
All on display for anyone to choose,
Not by my choice, nor my contribution
Bearing this sight is my tribulation

Its not that it looks bad (although it does)
And when guys see it, it makes them all buzz
Some people dont squeeze the cold water out
So puddles form on the floor and i wanna shout!

Is it so hard to be a little considerate?
And whining about it is something i hate
But when all i see are wet bras and panties
I cant help it cause its a view i dont fancy

Why cant they just be sent to the dobi
They'll come back clean,dont have to worry
But until moss grows or there's an outbreak
That remains the view from my bed when i wake.


Hehehe, cant believe i wrote bout that.
But seriously.Imagine seeing that (look up) when u wake up...My bed was right next to the window. And i chose it thinking when i woke up i'd get the nice morning sun, sights, sounds etc...How was i to know some brilliant ppl would end up doing that. Whats worse is the dripping water, cause when i stepped outta my bed, have to walk past/through it.Yucks man...
Ah! The sweet joys of dorm living!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Amazing love...

Mother’s day…Oh how I long for the days where all I had to do was make some burnt toast, weak tea, serve the barely edible breakfast in bed along with a crayon scribbled card…and voila! Then there’s the whole, “I love you mom”, followed by a hug n a kiss….I’ll see the smile on my mum’s face, and I’ll be so proud of what I did… Sigh.
Kodak moment

Now its, “oh no…what am I gonna get her this year?!?” Well, not really. I usually know exactly what she would like, but it’s not the same as the child-like enthusiasm from the past. And even in saying the three words, I feel ashamed, cause I realize all the times I’ve said and thought mean things, hurt her, behaved horribly, and just plain not deserved to be her daughter. All the screaming matches...Slammed doors...Tears...

Everyone has a story to tell. I’m amazed at my mom, her life, her struggles…her strength. I’m amazed at how she brought me up to be who I am now... And I’ve thought before, and even now, that if/when I ever have children, I’m afraid I’ll never be able to do as good a job as my mom did for me and my bro…
People always say you’ll end up just like your mother.
I say, if I do, then I’m lucky.

In the end, spent the day doing some of the chores, and helping her (as much as I could) with her annual sales report for work...most BORING n tedious work, dunno how she can do it… For dinner, we ordered in Swedish food, n mom, dad, Cam n me sat round the tv, eating and watching the F1…almost a Kodak moment.

Except in the end I still feel like a crap daughter. Ugh.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Headache

Just got home. Have a headache, and sore feet. Today again i was cashier,stood the whole day, and because of the sale, more ppl tend to go crazy buying books.

Everything was okay, till time for me to go home and my boss said, we're short rm24...i was huh? darn, i must've messed up somewhere...then he called down again and said its worse, "the money's short...RM200+ " my heart just stopped beating for a moment or two. I was like, WHAT ?!?!?! Dieeeeeeeeeeeee...there goes my plans for my holidays.

He went through the figures again, twice, and still 200 short. I started wondering what the heck i could've done wrong. But i knew it couldnt've been me. If it was ten bucks off, maybe , but TWO HUNDRED?!? And of course no one likes to put the blame on others ,but i was wondering if maybe my co-workers ter-did something wrong while i was in the toilet or somehting... so terrible of me, i know

Then i get told..."oh,its okay, i saw the figure wrong...it was 700, not 900..." I was so so SO relieved. Obviously...who wouldnt be. But appearently there was a mis written 10cents somewhere,but hey, compared to 200bucks, who cares!

Left 1hour later, got home 9minutes ago and am supposed to go watch movie in ten minutes. Have not showered yet, still have headache and thinking bout the incident. Sigh. Hope the movie n friends will clear my muddled mind.
Horrible end to my day at work.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

My Mr. Darcy Dream



Goodness I’m pathetic. Did the whole squealing, pillow-hugging, grin from ear-to-ear thing. Just watched Bridget Jones 2, long overdue (4 months)as I was supposed to watch it BEFORE I went for RBS, then never got round to getting the DVD, but a kind friend somehow got it and dropped it in my mailbox earlier this evening. For those that don’t know, and I’m sure you all don’t, I LOVE Bridget Jones...Not just the movies, but the book's are brilliant! I can just relate to her SO much. I took the Edge of Reason with me to RBS, and I’m so glad I did. Gave me an outlet when I needed it.

I must say though for some reason, the first movie was better than the first book, but the second book was way better than the movie that was made...I wonder why... Maybe cause it didn’t have the same killer lines like the first one had. These two are my fav. --->
Mark Darcy: I like you.
Bridget Jones: Oh, sure, if it weren't for the smoking, and the verbal diarrhea...
Mark Darcy: No, I like you. Just as you are.

and

Bridget Jones: Wait a minute... nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark Darcy: Oh, yes, they ****ing do.

My buddy Marilyn is also a B.Jones fan and we watched the ending over and over and over...about 7times I think...I cant help it, I’m a hopeless romantic...kekeke..Sadly she's away Down Under, so I watched no. 2 all alone. As much as I tell myself its not possible, I do still want the whole knight in shining armour thing,my Mr Darcy...or will i settle for not so shining, Daniel Cleaver...My practical, down to earth side tells me it’ll never happen, so don’t bother hoping. I admit I’m cynical and pessimistic when it comes to this issue, which is bad. Cause I close doors before they're even opened. And I’m stubborn, so I won’t allow room for thought.

Will end here. Dowan to start getting deep into it.
But there's always hope.
For my Mark Darcy.

*its half time, Liverpool 1 , Chelsea 0... Come on you Reds!!!*

Me pak tor-ing with my husband/wife in Spore