My tank is empty, my spirits are low.
Which is why I'm looking forward to getting away for a few days, even if its not that far away, and I wont have peace and quiet, its still getting away.
Its so sad that only after 3months of working, I already am desperately needing a 'break'. If I start thinking too much about it, I'll get even more depressed. But it's not just been work...
How am I doing?
On the surface I'm doing great. I'm 'fine', no worries.
Below the surface, I'm struggling with everything. Everything meaning everything.
Nothing that you reading this can help with, its not a flat tyre that just needs changing.
Family stuff. Work stuff. Friend stuff. Money stuff.
Which all lead to
Disappointment. Frustration. Apprehension. Dissatisfaction.
I would be happy to just curl up in a ball and be by myself for a long while, undisturbed. Yet even in my ballness, I will be constantly thinking.
Its times like these where I really wish I have a person I can lean on and turn to. Not a 'romantic relationship', but a person who I can just dump my crap feeling self on, and know that person will accept my crap feeling. Where I can lean on for support, and the person will be strong for me. Where I can be a little selfish, and the person will let me be a little selfish. Where I can just weep and the person will hug me tight and pat my back without asking questions.
It's been a long time since I had that. If ever. Probably someone I'll never have.
Like a unicorn, a figment of my imagination.
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