Poison

I have been poisoned. Slowly and agonizingly.

It all began 5months ago, or so I choose to believe. Someone suggested something, not a frivolous “Hey, you should trim your hair”, but something that really struck a nerve, so to speak. I totally blame this person for bringing it up. Yet, when asked, I explained the reasons why it’s not something to be considered, and said person smart-assedly went and pointed out that meant I had already given it prior thought. Darn, caught.

I still choose to believe it started when said person suggested it 5months ago. Or rather, it only became real once the person said out loud what I had been only thinking. What more, it came out of the blue! I've never understood how that person managed to hit the nail on the head, so accurately. But articulating it aloud, made it tangible. Bah. And the way it was suggested, urgh. Sounded so appealing. So convincing. So possible.

Ever since then, the suggestion has been festering in my mind like a bad smell. If bad smells are festerable. According to the definition, fester: irritate, aggravate, worsen, be annoying. Yes, that’s exactly it! For 7months, I mean, 5months of course, the poison has spread like cancer from my brain to all other parts of my being. Till its there, everywhere. Floating in the dark masses of fluff in my head.
What’s worse, said person suggested it again a month ago. Grrrrr! Why torture me, why?

It’s easy for me to drop the matter if it was coming from any Tom, Dick or Harry, but it comes from someone whom I love, respect and hold in high regard. Dang. Lagi la the words shook me, and made me wonder if I should reconsider the consideration that I had already condemned. Stubborn Me says, of course not- it’s written off and a non option. I am making a right choice.

Yet, the most thought niggling point made was this, if I don’t reconsider, it might eventually be too late, the option gone and I’ll be left crying, kicking myself in regret. Uh oh. That’s not good. Let me tell you why, if you are interested. Simply because there is the possibility that I’ll be left crying and kicking myself in regret. Not something anyone wants.

In my musings, my world of Imagination, I make the rules, I write the story and it never included this likelihood. I conclude if I don’t even open myself to the possibility, there’s more chance of a better outcome. Yes, it’s true. I believe it. Just gotta drill it into my messed up head.