Less than 2cents

There is only so much that a person can take. But the only way to know where that limit is, is to be pushed beyond it.

How ironic.

I sometimes wish i was a simple person. I see simple people going through life, so. . . easily. Yes yes, dont judge a book by its cover, still waters run deep...blah blah... Shut up. It is what i think, my perspective, my point of view. There are simple people in this world. And its like, they dont have to think so much in life, life just goes on. Like the song.

I wonder myself if what i'm choosing is wise. Knowing the possible outcome. Its Hope again, that agonizingly precious thing that can both make and break. Hope is something that i cant ever shut out when i'm not wanting it the most. When i want to hope, i dont have it the same way as when i dont want to hope, and it comes in strong.

I've got to get my head on straight. See things clearly. But do i want to...

Do you know why i dislike getting older?

Because the decisions we have to make as we age become more and more significant ones. Things that effect life in the bigger picture.

I'm not trivializing the other stuff when i was younger and writing them off as nothing, for example choosing Arts or Science. Sounds 'small' to me [now]. I dont even recall putting much thought or effort or whatever into it. Quite easy to choose. I didn't feel troubled.

For some time now, i've been beyond the age where i can be excused from the bad choices i make, or where someone else can smooth things over for me. I cannot plead ignorance, for it is my fault if i am. I cannot run under the protection of parents or else i'll remain a kid forever.

Faced with having to decide, i have to think things through carefully. The kind where you feel burdened and mull over it long and hard. I am responsible for my own actions, and therefore i have to live with the outcomes of what i choose.

There are no answers given. Only after you choose the road will you know, "uh oh, that was way wrong" or "good choice". Obviously though, when you make a decision, at that moment you think its the best one to make.

From what i gather of Life though, i've realized i'll probably never be happy in the way i want. The perfect happiness is not induced but exists from within. The worst is one that requires effort, believing a lie, but knowing deep down its a shadow of the real deal.

No one can be blamed though, for believing a lie they never knew was not true.